I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
