My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Holy sore nipples Batman
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
