I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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