Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
