By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
