Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
