Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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