ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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