all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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