god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
