If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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