Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
