You smell like stripper and shame
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
