Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
