walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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