Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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