Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
