it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
