just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Text me some of your sweat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize