i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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