You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
