if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
how does that bad decision feel?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
