3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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