Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
