She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
