Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
