I cannot find my penis.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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