In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
