You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
