lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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