he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
