Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
