you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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