He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
