last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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