that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
