I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
