whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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