garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
