We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
