i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
