I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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