I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
