I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
