Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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