Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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