she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
