im drinking this country out of the recession.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
