she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
