It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
