It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
