I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
