Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
