Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize