I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
