So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
