Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
