My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
