So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
