The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
