Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
