dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
