i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
