My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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