U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
