I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize