I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
