Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
